Shorewood woman arrested on multiple charges
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8/28/2019
OakLawn, IL
A shorewood woman was arrested Wednesday evening by the oaklawn police department, according to reports. Officer Robert Kelly booked her in on numerous charges, too many to count on two hands he said.
Stephanie Luevano, unknown age, but pushing at least 300 pounds, was arrested coming out the back door of an elderly couples home. At first officer Kelly thought it was a burglar, but quickly realized it was Stephanie, the person he went to arrest. She was arrested at the home of her fiancées parents, yet was screaming at officer Kelly, “THIS IS MY HOUSE I SWEAR!!! THEY ARE MOVING TO MEXICO IM KICKING THEM OUT!!!”. Officer Kelly was confused when she said this cuz not only were there McDonald’s cheeseburger crumbs were flying out of her mouth as she was yelling, he knew it was not her house and that she was lying.
Oak lawn police received a tip earlier in the day on a woman who was taking advantage of an elderly couple, evading taxes, lying about being a home owner, and sucking dick for the new Popeyes chicken sandwich which recently sold out. That’s when officer Kelly went to arrest her after an anonymous tip gave him the address she was at.
Officer Kelly said shortly after the arrest, “ We are throwing the book at her. This bitch has so many charges I don’t even know if I can tell u how many. This includes tax evasion for not paying taxes on the 700$ daily salary she makes working at Pizza Hut, aggravated taking advantage of an elderly couple, aggravated lying about owning her own home, aggravated sucking dick for Popeyes chicken sandwich, aggravated eating kfc in the car during lunch at her old job, aggravated living in the ghetto part of oaklawn, aggravated tricking a 35 year old man into marrying her, aggravated being up her grandparents ass thinking they gona give her money, aggravated eating a cheeseburger due to the crumbs flying when she started yelling, battery on a police officer with cheeseburger crumbs, assault on a cheeseburger, aggravated always coming out the back door of her fiancées parents house cuz they don’t allow her in through the front, aggravated trying to send two people to Mexico so she can lie and say their oaklawn house is hers, aggravated buying the same car twice for 25,000$ even thoUgh it was worth only half that price brand new, aggravated hating on everyone, and aggravated being a thirsty bitch. There are so many other charges we can’t even remember all of them, they will be on the oaklawn patch soon tho.”
Officer Kelly ran out of breath stating all these charges, so we had to give him a break. Stephanie luevano broke the Illinois record for amount of felonies in one arrest. She also broke officer Robert Kelly back seat after she did a cannonball into it when being taken into custody.
Stay tuned for further reports.
This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.
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