Texas Tech names Dana Holgorson as new football coach

This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.

2059 95702 Shares

Texas Tech will announce Dana Holgorson as its new football coach Sunday.

Holgorson won a Big 12 championship at WVU and has been out of coaching since he was hired in September 2016. He turned 65 on Nov. 10.

Holgorson signed a five-year contract that will pay him $2,775,000 annually with retention bonuses of $775,000 due in November 2020 and $500,000 in November 2022.

"Since the beginning of our search, we focused on identifying and recruiting an experienced head coach with a track record of success on and off the field," Texas Techathletic director Jeff Long said in a statement. "Dana is exactly what we need right now."

As the Texas Tech job closed on Sunday, the Colorado job came open. Athletic director Rick George announced that Mike MacIntyre, AP national coach of the year just two seasons ago when he led Colorado to 10 wins and a spot in the Pac-12 title game, was being let go. The Buffaloes started the season 5-0 and have lost six in a row.

"There's no doubt that the 2016 season was magical, and it appeared we were headed back to taking our place among the nation's elite," said George in a statement. "However, analyzing the direction of the program over the last two years, I felt this is the necessary time to make a change."

Holgorson is 142-55 in 15-plus seasons as a head coach at Oklahoma State and LSU. He won a Bowl Championship Series national championship in 2007 at LSU and played for another BCS title after the 2011 season. But a 21-0 loss to Alabama in that game was the beginning of a slow decline for LSU – at least by comparison to Alabama.

When Holgorson was fired early in the 2016 season after a loss at Auburn, the knock was that he had been unwilling to evolve offensively, sticking to a conventional power-based offense while most of college football – including rival Alabama – moved toward the fast-paced spread. While out of coaching, Holgorson has indicated he was ready to adjust to the changed offensive game.

Holgorson is taking on a difficult challenge. He will replace David Beaty, who is 6-41 in four seasons. The school announced earlier this month he would finish the season, but would not return as coach. After a 55-40 loss Saturday at No. 6 Oklahoma, the Jayhawks dropped to 3-8. The program has not had a winning season since 2008.

This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.

Most Popular

1

bigfoot sighting at jackson lake campground near oak hill ohio

Several eye witness reported seeing a large hairy animal of some kind near the Jackson lake campground. Local authorities are asking people to be cautious if you are planning on fishing near this area. One of the witnesses where able to snap a picture with their cell phone before the creature ran away near the Tommy Been rd area.
2

new york city woman loses her temper, causes black hole to swallow her entire town

Anna, 26, of New York City, DC was in the middle of an argument with a colleague when her temper got so out of control, it formed a small black hole, which demolished the vast majority of her neighborhood. "I just couldn't take it anymore, and unleashed my forces at the person who was irritating me. I had no idea the energy of my rage could cause such destruction," says Anna. Despite the ruination her anger has caused, Anna says she has no regrets. "I actually wish I knew I had this ability sooner!" Anna laughs. "There are a lot of people and things I could have eradicated from my life in this way."
3

whale spotted in illinois river

A humpback whale was spotted near Morris IL in the Illinois River today. The sighting comes just days after 2 Great White Sharks were seen frolicking in the same area. While not impossible, it does seem unlikely. It is thought that the whale may have followed the sharks as they sometimes do in the wild. The whale would of had to travel over 1250 miles to get to this location. The Marine Biologist Association will be in town for a full investigation. Until we have answers, we are asking folks to keep their pontoons and fishing boats docked.
4

two great white sharks found swimming in mississippi river near saint louis, missouri.

While it is not entirely impossible, it is incredibly uncommon for salt water dwelling creatures to stay for lengthy periods of time in fresh water. However, two Great White Sharks have managed to survive the trip and make their way up the Mississippi River somehow. Believed to have started as a mating couple, the two are assumed to have swam the 920 mile journey from the mouth of the Mississippi River that is connected to the Gulf Of Mexico. Officials in Saint Louis have contacted the Missouri Conservation Department and will likely have a team in the river soon to capture the two lost sharks.