Man Faces Prison Sentence for Taunting 73 years ago

This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.

2059 60223 Shares

Man Faces Prison Sentence for Taunting 73 years ago

How could this NOT happen in today's liberal society? Gertrude Maria Schmidt Sanchez, 76, has filed a claim with the United States District Attorney, against none other then her own brother, Klaus "Chito" Schmidt Sanchez, 80, for slander and taunting. Gertrude alleges that when she was 3 years old, her older brother Klaus, called her, "brat" and "tonto" on multiple occasions. Klaus, who would not speak (because he has lost the ability to speak), is counter suing claiming she called him "Meanie" first.

This German Mexican family has become heavily divided with these allegations. A brawl nearly broke out in the Living Streams Senior Citizen home in Arcadia, Ca where 8 members of the Schmidt Sanchez clan are currently residing.

Nurse Billy summarized the ordeal, "The two groups started yelling and throwing prunes at each other at lunch. They were to meet in the back to fight, but that 25 foot walk usually takes about 10 minutes for them. So we went to the lunch room, grabbed some sandwiches, made some coffee, and then got between them and said, 'No more Novella watching if you go through with it.'" "We heard a lot of bad language after that."

Feminists of America have heard about the story and President Doris Bender declared, "We will not stand for this mistreatment one more day! We have hired two law firms to investigate the allegations against Mr. Schmidt. We will also file claims against their parents who have allowed a culture of harassment to fester during their toddler years."

With more than 7 decades of trauma this lawsuit could yield millions. Why did it take this long for the allegations to arise? Klaus' lawyer said this may be motivated by Gertrudes gambling debts from Bingo.

For more on this story contact [email protected]

This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.

Most Popular

  1. 1

    bigfoot sighting at jackson lake campground near oak hill ohio

    Several eye witness reported seeing a large hairy animal of some kind near the Jackson lake campground. Local authorities are asking people to be cautious if you are planning on fishing near this area. One of the witnesses where able to snap a picture with their cell phone before the creature ran away near the Tommy Been rd area.

  2. 2

    new york city woman loses her temper, causes black hole to swallow her entire town

    Anna, 26, of New York City, DC was in the middle of an argument with a colleague when her temper got so out of control, it formed a small black hole, which demolished the vast majority of her neighborhood. "I just couldn't take it anymore, and unleashed my forces at the person who was irritating me. I had no idea the energy of my rage could cause such destruction," says Anna. Despite the ruination her anger has caused, Anna says she has no regrets. "I actually wish I knew I had this ability sooner!" Anna laughs. "There are a lot of people and things I could have eradicated from my life in this way."

  3. 3

    whale spotted in illinois river

    A humpback whale was spotted near Morris IL in the Illinois River today. The sighting comes just days after 2 Great White Sharks were seen frolicking in the same area. While not impossible, it does seem unlikely. It is thought that the whale may have followed the sharks as they sometimes do in the wild. The whale would of had to travel over 1250 miles to get to this location. The Marine Biologist Association will be in town for a full investigation. Until we have answers, we are asking folks to keep their pontoons and fishing boats docked.

  4. 4

    two great white sharks found swimming in mississippi river near saint louis, missouri.

    While it is not entirely impossible, it is incredibly uncommon for salt water dwelling creatures to stay for lengthy periods of time in fresh water. However, two Great White Sharks have managed to survive the trip and make their way up the Mississippi River somehow. Believed to have started as a mating couple, the two are assumed to have swam the 920 mile journey from the mouth of the Mississippi River that is connected to the Gulf Of Mexico. Officials in Saint Louis have contacted the Missouri Conservation Department and will likely have a team in the river soon to capture the two lost sharks.

loading Biewty