So Cal woman disappears; ‘chair’ suspected?
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LOS ANGELES (HP) – This southern California neighborhood is on edge after posters, vigilante-walks and a week of candlelight vigils have failed to determine the whereabouts of the wife of ‘John,’ an elderly, distraught So Cal resident who wishes not to be identified.
John’s wife has been missing for ten-days, and neighbors and relatives are up in arms—pointing suspicious fingers to husband John, as he was the last person to see his wife alive. After fruitless neighborhood searches by a well-meaning citizenry, local authorities are considering bringing in an elite trio of bloodhounds—the top dog for tracking in missing-person cases.
“Don’t bother,” John was quoted as telling the L.A. County Sheriff’s department. “I know exactly where she is, she got sucked into that chair of hers.” John claims that his wife had spent so much time idling away the hours in her favorite chair, that she “had become a part of it, and has probably disappeared through its ‘portal’ and into another dimension entirely,” according to the nervous, perspiring, seemingly furtive husband.
“I don’t know what I’m going to do without her,” John laments, “I won’t have anyone to cook for.” As the husband of the missing woman dutifully vacuumed the brown, comfy and inviting, over-sized chair, he mumbled to this reporter, “…geez, maybe I shouldn’t be using this…it might suck her outta that dimension and into this Hoover.” But then in almost a light-bulb-over-his head moment, he added, “…but hey I might at least then have her ashes, you think? It’d be better than what I got right now…”
The jittery husband then rushed to the living-room window, where a County vehicle was idling. Larry, Moe and Curly had arrived. The bloodhound trio.
This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.
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