Abraham Lincoln Still Alive?
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It has been determined by an unknown and most likely an unreliable source, that former US President Abraham Lincoln was lying all along! Although it is against popular belief, Abe did not die from the head shot wound inflicted upon him in 1865. He is actually alive and well! In Fact, he recently celebrated his 209th birthday with a cheese pizza at the site of his previously assumed grave.
When this news spread, many people had doubts. Many wanted to know how it could be possible that no one noticed. Well, he has been able to conceal his identity by doing absolutely nothing. After the drama of being shot in the back of the head, Abe declared to his family that he was very tired from the event and proceeded to take a nap for the next 50 odd years. When waking, he tried to explain to anyone he could find that he was the President of the United States, but no one seemed to believe him.
From that moment forward, he has been able to rebuild his life and is now a very mediocre lawyer. Those who have worked with him have stated that, “He kept mumbling gibberish about how strange computers are,” and “He was a fine lawyer, but damn, he looks a lot like former US President Abraham Lincoln.”
As always folks, you can always rely on me, some 16 year old college kid, for the most reliable news of today.
- Katherine Porter
This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.
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