Canadian's hear loud noise emanating from Ottawa
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Reports trickled in yesterday from around Canada of a mysterious sound present throughout the day, it was said the sound had a particular high-pitched whining quality. Strangely this sound was being heard in Iqaluit, Vancouver, and even as far as St. John's. What could be the cause of this strange noise then? Some feared that Trump was mounting a new kind of military attack into Canada, given the widespread nature of the noise - but mainly because of how annoying it sounded.
Our research has confirmed, with the help of the RCMP, that the source of the noise is Ottawa. It appears like every year before it winter has arrived in Ottawa. Unfortunately, like every winter, the Ottawans cannot seem to grasp this reality. In something out of a fiction book, the noise that has been heard around the country. Is the sound of every person in Ottawa groaning, whining, or telling someone how cold Ottawa is. Whether that be to a neighbour, a stranger, over the phone, or even just to themselves.
We went to St. John's to interview Terry Andrews. When told this story, his only response was "Jeeze by! Just chuck some gloves on sure! It's only -30 you said right?"
After this peculiar exchange with Terry, we decided to figure out what the best approach to dealing with this problem was. The authorities are advising Canadians to not react, or the whining may get worse. The best we can do is be accepting of our friends from the centre, and let them whine until they get tired and fall into their winter slumber. If we provoke them, it just upsets them and prevents them from going into their winter slumber - this could have irreversible and negative effects on their lifecycles. We implore you to leave the poor Ottawans alone. Until then may God have mercy on us all.
This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.
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