Anonymous Notes Threaten our Precious Painbow
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On the day of the much anticipated Haute Dish Derby League Championship we have just received shocking news brought to us by star derby player for the Smackstreet Boys - Painbow Quartz. According to Painbow she has been receiving a series of threatening messages in her locker room for weeks now, ever since the All Star Team list was announced telling her to drop off the team...OR ELSE.
“I was honestly just going to ignore it” Painbow explained. “I thought it was just some dumb joke. But they kept coming and coming and honestly I’m sick of it. It’s not funny anymore!”
But is this just a joke? The Haute Dish Derby All Stars are known as one of the finest in the country. People travel from all over the country to play in the Haute Dish League just for the opportunity to try out for the team. It is an elite group and is clearly treated as such. Offers are given to potential members in secret and no one finds out until the first practice who else made it. This year, however, the list was leaked early, making many of the members highly susceptible to harassment from jealous fellow skaters who did not make the team. Nothing we have seen this far however, compares to this. In addition to the main skaters there are also a group of alternates who are chosen in case y from one of the main players is injured or quits. If an alternate where desperate enough, dealing our threats could be an effective way to secure a place on the team.
The Haute Dish League has assured Painbow and the rest of the league that they will investigate these mysterious notes and bring the harasser to justice.
This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.
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