The Haute Dish Curse
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As the Haute Dish Derby League Championship game draws near fans are on the edge of their seats to see what will happen in what promises to be a bloody game both figuratively and, this season, literally. The “Haute Dish Curse” as many have taken to calling it has now claimed 12 victims in a series of seemingly inexplicable accidents on the track since the season started.
“I don’t know what happened. I should have been fine! We practiced that star pass move a dozen times in practice. It’s like my wheels just failed me.” Stated Luke Skyblocker, A blocker and pivot for the Avengehurts team, after a nasty fall during last month bout. Luke is looking at a 6 - 8 month recovery period as a result of a broken ankle.
Stories like Luke’s have become the norm with the majority of the victims stating that they felt as though their gear was the source of their accidents and not them or their fellow skaters. But if that is the case then what is the cause of so many failures of equipment? Jammer for The Smackstreet Boys suggests that for that answer we must look to the source.
“Think about it” says Painbow “Where does everyone get their gear? Death by Derby! And who runs Death by Derby? Ann Tik! I don’t know if they are doing it on purpose or just out of incompetence but they are selling everyone faulty equipment and it is causing accidents. Why do you think I haven’t fallen yet? Because I don’t buy from them!”
When asked to respond to these allegations, Death by Derby owner Ann Tik put the blame on poor maintenance technique, denying any personal responsibility for the accidents. The Haute Dish League has put in place a plan to provide regular gear maintenance workshops to all of it’s skaters to help combat these issues in the future.
While some are willing to chalk this up to laziness on the part of the skaters, many have a much more sinister theory as to what is going on. One of the most mysterious pieces of this story comes from the fact that of the 12 accidents that occurred, 0 have affected the skaters on the The Blocking Dead team. Furthermore all of the accidents so far have only occurred to those who would be considered the top skaters on each team. As a team that wasn’t doing so hot at the beginning of the season it certainly is suspicious that The Blocking Dead have benefited so greatly from this series of misfortunes from the other teams. Some might even say it’s the only reason that they are in the finals at all.
In the end, no matter what the cause, derby goers and skaters alike will definitely have their eyes out for suspicious activity and the return of the Haute Dish Curse.
This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.
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