The intelligence-enhancing neuromorphic implant is finally here
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Two endeavoring scientists, Dr. Phil B. Mitchell and Dr. Max Brown, have recently invented an intelligence-enhancing neuromorphic (brain-imitating) implant, named NENI (Neurally Enhancing Neuromorphic Implant), has officially reached the prototype stage. This implant has increased the intelligence of mice significantly, allowing them to solve puzzles to obtain food that would have normally been ignored by the mice. Dr. Brown commented, "The only way to acheive a goal that you really, really want is to try really, really hard, despite setbacks like public disagreement and scorn.". The first human test subjects are two high school students, Robert Howell and John Miller of Mountain View High School. The implant is predicted to increase both student's IQ's by at least 50.
The NENI works by speeding up the impulses between neurons and promoting the creation of signaling molecules that facilitate the creation of more neurons and in turn neural connections. How this is achieved is a closely guarded secret. Dr. Mitchell has already filed for a patent on behalf of both scientists and is currently waiting for verification. When asked about the implants, he replied, "The parents were reluctant at first, but they eventually agreed knowing that this was one of the greatest innovations in the history of the world.".
The NENI is not available to the general public, but it is priced at $2.6 trillion for the implant and the implanting process. They are also looknig into purchasing the domain name neni.tech as the official website for the NENI.
Once the NENI is made available to the general public, it will definitely change the world. It will empower scientists to discover more and inventors to innovate more. Calculators will be obsolete when all users of the NENI become smart enough to do complex equations in their head in seconds. Innovations in technology, medicine, and personal health will skyrocket. The NENI will truly be one of the greatest inventions of mankind.
This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.
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