NYC Man destroyed Own Car to keep it from being broken into... Again.
This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.
2059 65289 Shares
In NYC owning a vehicle is sometimes a challenge. No place to park, theft and vandalism are an everyday fact of life. Mathias "Wonk-Eye" Allwright had enough. After yrs of driving a Crown Vic beater, he saved his pennies and bought a new Dodge Challenger maxed out. He found a parking garage (which cost him more than his car payment by month) and sat it there during the week and drove it out of town on the weekend. The first week he owned it, it was broken into and the sound system taken. The alarms rang out. The second week he owned it, someone stole his alarm system. The third week he took his vacation and hid close to the car each night with some weapons that he won't talk about. Nothing happened, they must have seen him hiding. With his insurance rate higher than his car payment, his parking garage higher than his insurance; enough was enough. He put explosive devices under the car set to go off at the slightest motion. You ask me how did he know how to do that? I ask you why you don't know how to do it? It's on the internet. A couple of nights go by, no happenings. Then eight blocks away, he hears it blow and runs to the garage. It was a real shame the street sweeping service guy tried to do his job a little too well. Wonk-Eye is doing 5 to 10.
This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.
Most Popular
-
1
bigfoot sighting at jackson lake campground near oak hill ohio
Several eye witness reported seeing a large hairy animal of some kind near the Jackson lake campground. Local authorities are asking people to be cautious if you are planning on fishing near this area. One of the witnesses where able to snap a picture with their cell phone before the creature ran away near the Tommy Been rd area.
-
2
new york city woman loses her temper, causes black hole to swallow her entire town
Anna, 26, of New York City, DC was in the middle of an argument with a colleague when her temper got so out of control, it formed a small black hole, which demolished the vast majority of her neighborhood. "I just couldn't take it anymore, and unleashed my forces at the person who was irritating me. I had no idea the energy of my rage could cause such destruction," says Anna. Despite the ruination her anger has caused, Anna says she has no regrets. "I actually wish I knew I had this ability sooner!" Anna laughs. "There are a lot of people and things I could have eradicated from my life in this way."
-
3
whale spotted in illinois river
A humpback whale was spotted near Morris IL in the Illinois River today. The sighting comes just days after 2 Great White Sharks were seen frolicking in the same area. While not impossible, it does seem unlikely. It is thought that the whale may have followed the sharks as they sometimes do in the wild. The whale would of had to travel over 1250 miles to get to this location. The Marine Biologist Association will be in town for a full investigation. Until we have answers, we are asking folks to keep their pontoons and fishing boats docked.
-
4
two great white sharks found swimming in mississippi river near saint louis, missouri.
While it is not entirely impossible, it is incredibly uncommon for salt water dwelling creatures to stay for lengthy periods of time in fresh water. However, two Great White Sharks have managed to survive the trip and make their way up the Mississippi River somehow. Believed to have started as a mating couple, the two are assumed to have swam the 920 mile journey from the mouth of the Mississippi River that is connected to the Gulf Of Mexico. Officials in Saint Louis have contacted the Missouri Conservation Department and will likely have a team in the river soon to capture the two lost sharks.