A Life Well...Copied.
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Every year, when August rolls around, Midlanders like to remember one local "hero" who means a lot to the community. Several years ago, one man had a dream. He wanted to invent things that people liked and could use. One day, he had the anti-unique idea of inventing a cup holder. That idea sucked big dick. Not only did this guy use a face used by someone else cause he's a f*cking twin but the f*cking cup holder was alre...anyway. This is a story of love and loss; ups and downs; wealth and poorness; and ups and downs. For the last several decades, this heroic figure has been but a mere hermit living in the shadows of his quaint, poetic, shit hole. This reporter reached out for an interview, but was quickly turned away from the residence. I had take but two steps into the half open front door, when, through the darkness, I was ran off with loud shrieking. Though I couldn't make out all of it while running, I thought I could make out the words, "...nExT iNvenTiOn iS GonnA bE a WeaRAbLe PieCe oF FabRic For yOuR hEaD tHat blockS thE SUn!"
This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.
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bigfoot sighting at jackson lake campground near oak hill ohio
Several eye witness reported seeing a large hairy animal of some kind near the Jackson lake campground. Local authorities are asking people to be cautious if you are planning on fishing near this area. One of the witnesses where able to snap a picture with their cell phone before the creature ran away near the Tommy Been rd area.
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new york city woman loses her temper, causes black hole to swallow her entire town
Anna, 26, of New York City, DC was in the middle of an argument with a colleague when her temper got so out of control, it formed a small black hole, which demolished the vast majority of her neighborhood. "I just couldn't take it anymore, and unleashed my forces at the person who was irritating me. I had no idea the energy of my rage could cause such destruction," says Anna. Despite the ruination her anger has caused, Anna says she has no regrets. "I actually wish I knew I had this ability sooner!" Anna laughs. "There are a lot of people and things I could have eradicated from my life in this way."
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3
whale spotted in illinois river
A humpback whale was spotted near Morris IL in the Illinois River today. The sighting comes just days after 2 Great White Sharks were seen frolicking in the same area. While not impossible, it does seem unlikely. It is thought that the whale may have followed the sharks as they sometimes do in the wild. The whale would of had to travel over 1250 miles to get to this location. The Marine Biologist Association will be in town for a full investigation. Until we have answers, we are asking folks to keep their pontoons and fishing boats docked.
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two great white sharks found swimming in mississippi river near saint louis, missouri.
While it is not entirely impossible, it is incredibly uncommon for salt water dwelling creatures to stay for lengthy periods of time in fresh water. However, two Great White Sharks have managed to survive the trip and make their way up the Mississippi River somehow. Believed to have started as a mating couple, the two are assumed to have swam the 920 mile journey from the mouth of the Mississippi River that is connected to the Gulf Of Mexico. Officials in Saint Louis have contacted the Missouri Conservation Department and will likely have a team in the river soon to capture the two lost sharks.