Great white shark declared winner after Michael Phelps tests positive for mercury
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Martin, Florida -- On Tuesday, Michael Phelps, the most decorated athlete in the world of sports, raised his hands in jubilation after edging out a great white shark in a 100 meter race. On Wednesday night, however, a disgraced Phelps remained secluded in his Florida home after testing positive for mercury. Despite being a three to one underdog and having no fins, Phelps sliced through the choppy water and stayed even with the formidable man eater. With ten meters left, Phelps used his legendary flutter kick to edge out the shark in a photo finish.
Though Phelps has refused to make a statement, his dietitian of fifteen years blamed the positive mercury testing on bad tacos purchased at Taco Bell. "They didn't smell right," admitted Manuel Cordova. "I told him the meat smelled fishy, but he just laughed and threw cheese in my hair."
Shark Week producers have yet to decide if they will air footage of the race this Sunday or just show an old TV clip of Arthur Fonzarelli jumping a shark tank.
This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.
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