Local Fisherman hooks severed penis in Aranas Pass, Texas

This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.

2059 97692 Shares

Fisherman's tales are uttered by many an angler. Whether telling the truth or exaggerating their catch of the day, they all have them. But one Texas fisherman may finally have them all beat. Stephen Cardenas an avid South Texas Fisherman just caught one for the record books and it's no tall tale. The 38-year-old of Ingleside, Texas said he and a few potential clients "got the shock of their lives" when he hooked the massive yet bizarre catch.

It was a beautiful crisp morning as usual in the back bays of Ingleside and Aransas Pass Texas when the fishing party of 6 decided to try one more spot before calling it a day. The party of 6 had maxed out on their individual limits of red fish, trout, black drum and sheep head when the boats captain decided to take the elated group to the south end of Steadman's reef in Aransas Pass to catch some blue crab, mostly to just show off his skills.

After a few lessons of showing the amateur fishing group how to slowly drag their bait on the sandy bottom floor the boats captain Stephen Cardenas felt the familiar resistance of a crab latching on to his bait. The captain started giving commentary and instructions as he slowly reeled in what he figured to be a very large blue crab or perhaps a small sting ray as the resistance was a bit much for the average south texas blue crab.

As the catch got closer and closer to the boat, the lack of fight from the other end of the hook made Stephen question his previous assumption that it was in fact a sting ray. He now came to the conclusion that he more than likely snagged some type of natural debris or worse the man made plague of the bay litter. But to his and everyone else's surprise in the boat that morning, it was neither fish nor sting ray, not even debris or litter but was in fact a quite large blue crab. But it was not that crab that dropped the jaws of the fishing party that morning but what the crab was latched to.

The boats captain recalls his initial thoughts that morning. "Is that crab pinching the head of big fat chélonskie?.. No, that has to a piece of some kind of albino eel or sea slug... Nope, thats a huge Dong! WTF! No way!" But in fact it was.

As the hook drug on the bottom of the sandy shore that faithful morning it snagged on to the loose skin of the severed penis. According to local officials, a specialist assumed the detached penis was probably in the water for about two to three days. Due to the amount of time spent in the water the penis was a whopping 14" long and had a circumference of 9". It also sustained multiple bite wounds from the crab that found it. Officials say it most likely came from a white or Hispanic male around 25 to 35 years of age and that the actual size of the penis before dismemberment was around 6 to 7" in length with a 5.3" girth. Kelly Stephens, one of the female passengers on that guided fishing trip that morning, made the comment "If it was still attached to its owner it would definitely be a keeper." A male passenger on the boat Brian Yoder also used the opportunity to record his remarks that day with officials. "That is the biggest trouser trout I have ever seen!!"

Coast guard and local officials are combing the coastal area for signs of where the penis came from and most importantly who it came from. No emergency rooms or local doctors have reported any such injuries by visting patients, which leads investigators to believe that other body parts may be afloat somewhere in the area and/or some poor guy is just having the worse week of his life.
Since this happened on an intercoastal water way and was then brought to shore multiple agencies are fighting for jurisdiction, US Marshall have taken over the case and are asking residents to keep an eye out for anything suspicious like an ornery wife who now seems gratified and has a new pep in her step. Or a man who was walking fine a few days prior and is now bed ridden and/or walks with a limp and is now super submissive to his wife. A hotline for tips is being set up and will be available online as soon as jurisdictional issues are hashed out and established.

Author - Chewy Nunez
Editor - ChaCha Aguilar Gomez

This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.