GrizzlyEagleShark Hunting Season Opens August 31st
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In a surprising move the Alaska Wildlife, Game and Parks Department has announced that the first ever hunting season for the rare and dangerous GrizzlyEagleShark will open on August 31st this year. The GrizzlyEagleShark is one of Alaska's most well known and most protected wild animals. Hunting the GrizzlyEagleShark has been banned since the population was mostly decimated in the 1980's when then-President Ronald Reagan had them served at all afternoon high teas in the White House. The population has made a resurgence in recent years which has led to an increasing number of GrizzlyEagleShark attacks on both land and sea, according to government officials. However, a search of hospital records over the past 20 years doesn't show a single reported attack anywhere in Alaska.
GrizzlyEagleShark attacks were rare with no accounts of an actual attack until 1981. The majestic and mystifying creatures became increasingly violent the more times President Reagan sent Oliver North in to harvest them for high tea. Alaska Wildlife, Game and Parks Ranger Gert Sinalinanin said "although the thought of hunting these beautiful creatures disgusts me, President Trump has mandated that we open up hunting again. We will comply but we won't agree it is right to do." GrizzlyEagleShark semen is known to be a quick self tanner that provides a heavy orange coloring to human skin. There was no immediate comment from the Trump administration if the reason for the required hunting season is for the President's personal use.
Applications for hunting permits must be submitted no later than July 31st. Hunters must adhere to locally acceptable GrizzlyEagleShark hunting guidelines - guns can only be used underwater, on land captures must be done with a fly rod or by simply roping a GrizzlyEagleShark in mid-flight. Inuits will be allowed to begin hunting season on August 24th as long as native hunting methods utilizing firewater and harpoons made from baby seal bones.
This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.
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