**BREAKING NEWS** Bruins to move to Cincinnati, OH
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In a surprise move following their first round playoff loss, an anonymous source within top tier management for the Boston Bruins has confirmed there are plans to move the team to middle America, Cincinnati, OH.
This comes amid a myriad of locker room rumors including the latest of a secret underground "ferret fighting" ring constructed near the zamboni maintenance area by the Czech and Finnish members of the squad.
Our source stated "Amid these allegations, the team has decided to move to a more conservative environment in Ohio to allow for the players to live a more reasonable and moral existence. The hectic big city life of Boston just has too many pitfalls in our narrow, nonsensical streets layout"
He further went on to expound upon the likelihood of increased exposure and coordination of events with Jergens lotion whose headquarters in the Queen City has been a source of local enjoyment.
"Free hand lotion and massage days are a local favorite with road weary truck drivers and women lacking the means to enjoy Jergens products outside of such events."
When asked if the proposal to rename the team after local legend Harambe as overheard in the hallways of the teams Headquarters was met with skepticism. "While the Cincy Gorrilaz would be a marketing gem, we dont feel that would be possible at this time. The sad reality is there is alot of pain still felt and the wound too fresh to honor Harambe in such a manner."
Time will tell if this relocation will be as fruitful as planned or if the Ohio River Mudfish will be a total wash.
This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.
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