World's Most Eligible Bachelor Finally Settles Down
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Women stormed the streets in tears when news broke this morning that Marshall J. Guynn, the world's most eligible bachelor, was engaged to Posha DiMario, an overweight, middle aged Poodle mix.
When asked about being officially off the market, Marshall responded in shock, denying the story, claiming it to be a rumor created by Posha's mom, Kelly. It has long been speculated that Kelly is madly in love with Marshall and allegedly touched his giant wang while holding him down against his will. Marshall did admit that he and Posha do hang and that 'she has great stuffed animals', but he's just too awesome to settle down with a 10 year old.
While it appears that Marshall is still searching for the right woman, he has been seen in public recently with a new lady. When asked if he is casually dating Orange Bunny, who he was seen galivanting around with late Friday night, Marshall stated 'things are going well, but she's not the only one in my life'. Hopefully Orange Bunny does not meet the fate his last casual girlfriend, Pink Owl, met.
This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.
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