Have You Seen This Man?
This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.
2059 84027 Shares
County Sheriff's Department Desperately Searching For This Suspect.
On Thursday, March 23rd at approximately 8:40 p.m. this man is said to have been seen in the Lawrenceburg Taco Bell. Witnesses say they watched as the suspect stuffed a large, brown paper take home bag, with numerous items from the menu, including a (T.D.C.W.) Triple Double Crunch Wrap. The T.D.C.W. in question had been made for a customer but had been sent back due to it being the beef variety but the customer had ordered the spicy chicken.
Authorities say that the value of the T.D.C.W. is estimated to be approximately $3.49 and that in itself is not the reason this young perpetrator is so desperately sought by the police. It was the flagrant and cavalier attitude that the perpetrator displayed upon running out the door with his ill-gotten goods. He is said to have been swaggering out the door as he left, let loose with a tremendous round of flatulence inside the entry chamber, and screamed "It's Mine, It's All Mine" as he ran across the parking lot and left with an unknown driver who proceeded to travel South on U.S. 127.
The Manager of the Taco Bell said that the loss of the food items was not financially excessive and would not have a major impact on the stores financial reports, but the smell in the entry chamber was quite atrocious and required a few kitchen matches and an aerosol can of Lysol to finally rid the store of the smell.
If you encounter this suspect, do not try to apprehend him, he is armed with a buttload of poisonous gas and has been known to fire on unsuspecting victims without warning or provocation. Please contact the County Sheriff's Department at xxx-xxx-xxxx
This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.
Most Popular
-
1
bigfoot sighting at jackson lake campground near oak hill ohio
Several eye witness reported seeing a large hairy animal of some kind near the Jackson lake campground. Local authorities are asking people to be cautious if you are planning on fishing near this area. One of the witnesses where able to snap a picture with their cell phone before the creature ran away near the Tommy Been rd area.
-
2
new york city woman loses her temper, causes black hole to swallow her entire town
Anna, 26, of New York City, DC was in the middle of an argument with a colleague when her temper got so out of control, it formed a small black hole, which demolished the vast majority of her neighborhood. "I just couldn't take it anymore, and unleashed my forces at the person who was irritating me. I had no idea the energy of my rage could cause such destruction," says Anna. Despite the ruination her anger has caused, Anna says she has no regrets. "I actually wish I knew I had this ability sooner!" Anna laughs. "There are a lot of people and things I could have eradicated from my life in this way."
-
3
whale spotted in illinois river
A humpback whale was spotted near Morris IL in the Illinois River today. The sighting comes just days after 2 Great White Sharks were seen frolicking in the same area. While not impossible, it does seem unlikely. It is thought that the whale may have followed the sharks as they sometimes do in the wild. The whale would of had to travel over 1250 miles to get to this location. The Marine Biologist Association will be in town for a full investigation. Until we have answers, we are asking folks to keep their pontoons and fishing boats docked.
-
4
two great white sharks found swimming in mississippi river near saint louis, missouri.
While it is not entirely impossible, it is incredibly uncommon for salt water dwelling creatures to stay for lengthy periods of time in fresh water. However, two Great White Sharks have managed to survive the trip and make their way up the Mississippi River somehow. Believed to have started as a mating couple, the two are assumed to have swam the 920 mile journey from the mouth of the Mississippi River that is connected to the Gulf Of Mexico. Officials in Saint Louis have contacted the Missouri Conservation Department and will likely have a team in the river soon to capture the two lost sharks.