Twitter Know-it-all narrowly escapes prison sentence
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A middle-aged wannabe Twitter celebrity and cyber hard-man is today counting his blessings, as he narrowly escaped a prison sentence after being found guilty of theft from his previous employers, Longford Pet Foods Ltd.
The man in question cannot be named for legal reasons but will be referred to as Shmave Shmendrick for the purpose of this article.
Mr Shmendrick was found to have eaten almost €560,000 worth of premium dog food from the production line of Longford Pet Foods, where he worked the night shift as a food canner. The ongoing theft took place over the course of 8 months and the alarm was raised by his his employers after he requested a larger pair of work overalls on 4 different occasions during this period.
Mr Shmendrick is said to have gained almost 130lbs during this period and whilst the owner of Longford Pet Foods was said to have been shocked and disgusted at Mr Shmendricks behaviour and unprofessionalism, he did point to the obvious quality and superior flavour of his product as a reason for this happening.
It is thought that Mr Shmendrick had made a commitment to leave the country if he was spared a prison sentence and his exit has been arranged for 2 weeks time.
This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.
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