North Pole Reports: NEW SANTA FOUND IN NEW JERSEY
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For over 2000 years, Kris Kringle has held the position of Santa Clause, the legendary figure who delivered presents to good girls and boys every Christmas Eve. On October 25th, Mr. Kringle announced his resignation from the position after being made aware of the many naughty boys and girls voting for Donald Trump for America's highest seat. Mr. Kringle states, "These boys and girls do not deserve anything this year, I f**** quit". After searching for a candidate to replace Mr. Kringle, it was narrowed down to one man; Raymond Bowman Torres of New Jersey. Mr. Bowman has worked in public service for the majority of his adult life and has experience in determining whether a person is good or not. Mr. Bowman, accompanied by his attorney released the following statement regarding his new position.
"I have gain weight throughout this past few years and love the colors red and white. I have recently worked as a Uber driver. Though my experience in travel is minimal, I am open for further experience"
Residents of New Jersey are excited that one of their own has been selected for such an esteem position and look forward to him performing his duties flawlessly. Celebrators of the 2016 year old holiday are encouraged NOT to shoot Puerto Rican man dressed as Santa entering their homes on the night of December 24th. It's Santa, Ray.
This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.
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